maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
