i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
