I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
