just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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