jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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