Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
