So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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