windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
