Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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