i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
