You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
