Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize