Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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