your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
