Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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