a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
