the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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