you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
