my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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