Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nutella sex= disaster
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
