Will you blow on my dice?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
