I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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