I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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