cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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