she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
