IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
