omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
