you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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