OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
