hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
