Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
