You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
