Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
