I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
