I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
