You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
