Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
