dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
