i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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