she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
