I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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