I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
