my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
