he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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