did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
