i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
