so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
