You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
