Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
