bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
