She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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