he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
