Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
