he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
