yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am one with the molecules
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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