ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
