I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
