So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
