There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize