My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
