am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
