I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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