Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
