hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
