if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
