It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i now understand why vodka
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
