if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize