I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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