dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
