youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
